Part 195

I rushed home at lunch time the next day to catch nana and nani before they left for the airport. I caught them on time, seeing Adnaan and dad hefting suitcases into the boot of dad’s car as I pulled up into the yard. Nana appeared in the doorway just as I reached the front steps and I ran up them, stopping in front of him breathlessly.

“Are you leaving right now?”

“Yes, though we still have a bit of time left. You came from school?”

“Yeah, I’ve finished. I’m supposed to go madrassah in a bit,” I replied.

Nana’s face softened. “You work too hard beti. Come, let me talk to you little while. All these days I thought I’ll sit down with you but there was just no time…and you kept running away with that young man of yours.” I chuckled at his choice of words, following him into the front room. Nana sat down on the sofa and I sat next to him, half turning my body to face him. Nana leaned back into the sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him. He turned his head to look at me, the serious expression on his face belying his relaxed posture. His words confirmed the seriousness, delivered in a calm tone but carrying the impact of a storm.

“Beti…life is about compromises,” were his first words, “it’s about choices, good and bad. And marriage is the first of those choices. You, Alhamdulillah, made a very good choice there. You could not have found a better husband. And right now things are rosy. No living together, no compromises. These will be the best days of your life, believe me,” his smile flashed, “but when you move in with him, the real test will start. Ahmed told me you’ll be living with his parents,” I nodded, keeping my face straight, “I’ve met his father. I’ve heard him talk of his family, mostly out of frustration because they don’t understand him. They don’t understand where he comes from, his way of thinking. If he came to me for advice I’d tell him to rather live separately. Keeps the muhabbat and unity better that way…”

“Then why don’t you?” I burst out. Everyone was thinking the same way as me and it just made my misgivings grow stronger by the day, “why don’t you talk to him? He’ll listen to you!”

Nana shook his head. “I can’t. He hasn’t come to ask me. If he did I’d tell him otherwise I won’t get involved. So I would advise you to rather adapt to the idea. I can see that you’re against it. Don’t go into their house with this mentality. If you do you’ll fail from the beginning. Go with a clean heart, an open heart. Give them a chance. You’ll have to make compromises. Your way and their way won’t be the same. There will be give and take involved. Don’t be too stubborn, beti,” nana leaned forward, tapped me on my forehead, “your whole life you’ve been stubborn. And short tempered. It’s worked for you till now. But there things will be different. Those qualities can cause problems if they’re not tempered by love and wisdom. Remember that ayah?

ادْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ ۖ وَجَادِلْهُمْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ ۚ

[Surah An-Nahl 125]

Invite to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better.

“We are ahlul ilm. All our interactions are da’wah to the awaam. So think of this as da’wah as well. Use lots of love, lots of wisdom. And whenever you disagree with anything they do, do it very nicely and tactfully. And choose your battles wisely, beti. With your husband also and your in-laws also. Not everything is worth making an issue about. Some things you can let go of. Also, don’t keep making your husband choose between yourself and his family. Sometimes you can call him to mediate but if you can solve problems yourself amicably then do that so he doesn’t have extra tension on his head.”

“I’m not that difficult to get along with!” I protested laughingly.

Nana smiled fondly. “With your kind, no. You’re a lioness amongst lions. We’ll take your temper and fire with a pinch of salt. But these are hyenas. A lion’s roar won’t please them. You have to play a different game with them.”

I burst out laughing. I knew why nana was such a good teacher. He really knew how to put things into perspective. Leaning forward I leaned my head on nana’s shoulder, feeling like a little girl again…wishing I could just be that little girl again for a while, with no care in the world. No tests and huge changes coming up, no loss and separation from loved ones…abruptly the tears started. I turned my head and wept in nana’s chest, wishing he didn’t have to go. Nana wrapped his arms around me, rocking me gently, murmuring soothing words in my ear.

“Why do you have to go?” I mumbled, my face pressed into his shoulder, “don’t go. Stay here.”

Nana moved me back slightly, smiling down at me. “I have to go, beti. I’ll be back again soon inshaAllah.”

“No, you don’t have to go back!” I burst out. Nani and mum came into the room and I turned to look at nani, swiping my hands over my eyes to wipe my tears, “you don’t have to go back, nani. There’s no one there. You two are alone and you’re not getting any younger. Why not move back? All of us are here.”

“I have my teaching there, Fazzu,” nana said, “and my imaamat. I can’t leave it all and move back. The maahol (environment) there is not as good. I have to make mehnat (effort) wherever I can.”

I knew he was the main alim there. The rock, the foundation of Manchester. It still didn’t make it easier for me to let go of him…again. But I put on my brave face, nodding and smiling at him shakily. It was harder for me to say bye to them than it was for my siblings because they were like parents to me. The years I had spent with them had strengthened our bond so much it was like an almost physical pain to be separated from them each time.

Nani came to me, pulling me from nana, making me stand in front of her. Then she imparted her own wise advice.

“I heard what nana said to you, beti. He is right. Live nicely with khushi (happiness) and muhabbat. Don’t fight with them. You must always make peace. Even if they shout at you and tell you all nonsense things you must listen and say jee. But don’t start fighting about who is right because that is where the problem starts…”

“Now, Hafsa, don’t teach the girl to become a doormat,” nana interrupted, “if they are wrong and she is right she must say it but say it nicely. If she keeps her mouth shut all the time they’ll walk all over her. We don’t want that also.”

“But if she answers back it can cause problems,” nani argued.

“If she answers back nicely and they don’t want to accept their mistakes that’s their own problem. Choose your battles wisely beti but if they cross the line you must speak up. But do it nicely. Bas.”

“What do men know?” Nani said crossly, “just now you’ll create problems where there’s none!”

“Mummy, papa is right,” mum said gently, “if she becomes a doormat they’ll walk all over her. Then she’ll be miserable. You wouldn’t want her to sacrifice her happiness for theirs, would you?”

“No, of course not,” nani replied, “but your papa is too soft where Fazzu is concerned. And he thinks he’s always right,” she huffed.

“Jaanu, with us it’s you whose always right. That’s why you’ve kept me so happy all these years,” nana smiled broadly at her and she melted like putty before our eyes, smiling back at him. I silently awwwwwhed at them. Relationship goals! Hopefully Ahmed and I would be like this fifty years from now as well inshaAllah!

Nana and nani left then with mum and dad and I drove to madrassah with a heavy heart…

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81 thoughts on “Part 195”

  1. Jazakallah khair for the bonus post.. mashAllah another lovely post full of wise words from nana.. may Allah reaward you for putting a smile on so many faces..

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Surprise post. . Yay! Such important lessons in here. . Something I wish all brides were told. . As well as the groom & his family that he too gaining a wife & them a new daughter that has lived with different ideals up to their marriage. . They have to learn to adapt to each other & accept each other’s faults & work around it as a team. . Always treat people how you would want to be treated. So if the mil enjoyed a good rapport with her mil, then she should strive for the same with her dil. . If she had a bad rapport with her mil, then extra effort to make sure her dil doesn’t have to go through what she went through. .& she will be rewarded immensely too. .

    Liked by 9 people

    1. Likewise the other side should be considerate too. Lots of dils come on a high horse, not ready to compromise or mix into the family and with just one aim, to have the husband for herself AND that the husband follows her whims and wishes only. She likes to keep ties with her own family but not with the inlaws.
      The balance has to be from both sides…mils try to be good and dils make an effort too, then only things can work. If the mil tries her best but the dil is stuck up, then it doesn’t work and vice versa.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Jazaakillaah khair for the bonus post, we can get used to back to back posts(hint…)
    Beautiful advices from Nana who I totally agree with…
    I wish all soon to be married couples and there prospective in laws should read these advices, it will save the world from a lot of problems and misunderstandings….

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Wow Mashallah this post was 👌🏼
    Made me misss my nana sooo much…may Allah fill his qabr with noor آمِيْن 💔

    Jazakallah for the extra post💐
    U thee best 💝💝💝

    Liked by 3 people

  5. awwww jazakillah sister for the bonus post and the amazing post ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    i feel like he was talking directly to me only years too late ☺️☺️☺️
    but learnt that from now on gonna choose my battles wisely coz me too wanna end up like nana and nani😘😘😘

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Loved the naseeha MashaAllah…
    jazakillah for the awesome surprise post…
    The word jaanu had me loling…😂 its always on the tip of my tongue and a couple of days ago my three yr old was calling hubby jaanu instead of baba… 🙈

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Jazakallah,for the awesome posts
    Agree with nani in a way ,sometimes when you keep quite you saved…
    it will be nice to have no battles to choose.lol

    And definitely the way she loved to see Ahmed interact with her family,I am sure he would like the same with his family…
    Indians don’t marry the son only but the whole family….

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ameen thumma Ameen ❤
      Yes but it does end up making a person miserable. Coz they take out all their anger and issues on you and you have to keep taking with no outlet. It gets to a person after some time. Also it’s in people’s nature to take advantage of the soft ones. So nana was right,If you don’t speak up they’ll walk all over you…
      But yes definitely we should try and live with as much harmony as possible❤

      Liked by 3 people

  8. Jazakillah khair for the post.
    It was so nice to open my email and see an unexpected post😊
    Now I wish I can see my Nani and Nana soon, but I only see them in the holidays😰
    I’m not married but in Sha Allah will definitely use this advise when I get married
    Request for duas💓

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Nana sounds like me giving advice and nani sounds like my mom! 😂 I guess nani’s are wiser tho.. I think Faz should put whatever she heard about them aside, and accept them as her new family. She must be with them as she’d be with her own family. Just let them be themselves and just be crazy self, always show appreciation to them, apologize even if she wasn’t wrong and she’ll definitely win their hearts, it will even strengthen their bond with Ahmed and hopefully be a means of them becoming better muslims too. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I heard of girl who stays with her mil and she loves her mil and her mil loves her. They’re real mil and dil goals 😂😂

    Liked by 5 people

      1. Aww Alhamdulillah you have a lovely mil 💛 – I’ve always been of the opinion that stay separately from the beginning because it keeps the muhabat. But now I add; if you have to stay with In laws, then live in a way they’ll love you and even miss you when you eventually move out on your own 😌

        Liked by 4 people

  10. Wonderful post and really important lessons
    I loved how you highlighted the fact that she shouldn’t go in with that mindset which is a mistake most girls make. They go in wishing they didn’t have to stay and so they don’t put in the effort they would have if they went in with a clean heart..
    but yeah I agree that if possible live separately right from the beginning, it just prevents a lot of drama and chaos

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I had just decided …that let me just check if BM had posted …A bonus …and what a SURPRISE. I didn’t expect it!
    JazakAllah ♡
    I loooove Nanas advice….so profound !

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I agree with Nana,s advice … from experience !!
    I always kept quiet for many years , and it takes a toll on a person .. then I started using hikmat (wisdom ) 😛😁 , and defending myself , without raising my voice and with a lot of respect …. And I feel that you create a better bond with others and gain their respect . Sometimes in laws don’t know how to adapt to change and accepting someone new , so if we as dil,s treat them as our own , (which may be hard for some to do) ,offer to do chores , even simple things , this will cause their hearts to soften and be a means of us getting their duas too . We must do everything for the pleasure of الله .. then only will we be content and we will be rewarded for anything we do … even if we just smile !!
    And if the problem continues , do not nah your husband … first praise the good of his parents and in a gentle way approach the situation .. You will gain his special love and he will eventually take your part when you are wronged …

    Duas for me please … .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For some reason this comment went into the spam folder😕 luckily I saw it because it’s such a lovely comment…wise words ukhti, Jazakillah khair for sharing this with us😘 remember me and my family in your duas as well❤

      Like

      1. I was wondering what happened .. sent it twice and it even sed duplicated …

        جزاك لله

        Will remember you , انشاء الله

        Liked by 1 person

  13. I think this would be our last post.. ramadhan mubarak to all.. lets make duas for each other during this blessed month Allah grant us tawfeeq to make the most out of the blessed moments..

    Liked by 2 people

  14. شكرا حبيبتي 😘

    Hope we getting a post b4 Ramadhaan..

    I’m I silent reader n I just wanna tell u ur story is amazingly awesome
    I looovee it ! It’s just soo damn addictive! seriously the only thing I look forward to on Monday’s is ur postsl lol ❤💋

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Important lessons here…taking notes👍🏻😎
    I’m missing nana & Nani already❤️ Can’t wait to see how ahmed & faz are going to be spending Ramadan💕Is ahmed going to be performing taraweeh? Also, is Zul going to be speaking to ahmed regarding living separately? Is faz going to take nanas advice? All this & more coming on BEINGMUSL1M 😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

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